Why Are They Rich?

I'm going to sound like a fucking loser, and I don't care any more than I did when I first became a fucking loser, so jokes on you, dad. But, what am I missing? Every Emo kid. Every Goth kid. Every Punk kid. Every Street Performer. They always have like ten quality wallet chains. I don't have a one. Know why? Unlike these apparent billionaires, I'm fucking broke. You steal my wallet, and you might find an Amex gift card with $3.17 left on it (a consolation present from my father upon my admittance on loser-dome, once loaded with $100), a BestBuy  rewards card, a picture of a 5'1" blonde with 34C tits and a size 0 waist (the number one smoosh, seriously), a cut-out pic of Tom Brady (seriously), and a card that says I need A-Positive blood in case of an accident despite my license which points out that I'm not an organ donor because I'm that much of an asshole (thanks, Red Cross). Apparently, Richie Rich up there is rollin' around wads of hundreds strapped to a stainless steel "Hot Topic" noose just throwing it in my face while I can't even afford a pair of "step-dad stompin' boots" from that place. I am such a fucking loser.