Dear solicitors standing directly outside the liquor store collecting money for starving kids in Africa,
Stop making me feel like an asshole.
P.S. Especially the chick with the full-on "Blood Diamond" accent...that's just cheating. I know it. You know it. Starving kids in Africa know it.
P.P.S. What're you trying to imply that I care more about getting hammered on my day off than I do about starving kids in Africa? Guess what chief, I am fully aware of the fact that I care more about getting hammered on my day off than I do about starving kids in Africa.
P.P.P.S. Don't push me Africa. One more beg for a hand out and I'm just gonna start throwing away left-overs like you read about. Fucking meat loaf holocaust up in this piece. And from what I've been told, every time I throw away a left-over, a fairy loses its wings, an Indian sheds a tear, and one of you assholes drops dead, so watch yourself.
