Spring Break Abs

Not gonna lie, this is roughly the shape I'm in. Except, instead of airsoft pellets, imagine popcorn kernels tumbling from my chin while I watch Hot Shots Part Deux on my Netflix at 2pm on a Tuesday while sipping skunked Busch and mumbling Sheen quotes to myself in between chews. Problem: I'm leaving for Vegas on Saturday for Spring Break, and this is the shit I'm packin'. Just a few weeks ago, Benny Blanco and me were all pumped to get P90X because Mike'n'Mike kinda talked us into it somehow (like we were going to have pornstars sipping Red Headed Sluts from our rippling abs), and then we just didn't do a fucking thing because we were busy mocking strangers on the internet and trolling YouJizz and Chatroulette simultaneously. And of course, my one roommate, Case Race, that's actually in shape refuses to be seen with me if a wear a t-shirt in the hot tub, well fuck you, bro, I don't wanna be seen next to you with my shirt off. Guess I'll have to settle for strippers doing lines off my cock.

P.S. I'm actually a stud, and everybody wants to fuck me, and my number one smoosh is like seven shades of smoke. Benny actually looks like shit though.

P.P.S. I'm actually repulsive and the only girl that will fuck me is my inexplicably hot girlfriend.

P.P.P.S. The only reason I'm sucking my girlfriend off so much in this blog is because I'm going to Vegas without her for spring break, and she's not happy about it.