That's Enough...Seriously

            That’s enough “icing,” seriously. I’m sure you all know exactly what I’m talking about, but to maintain our journalistic integrity, here’s what I’m talking about: “icing” refers to the practice of presenting a friend or foe with an unopened bottle of Smirnoff Ice malted beverage and instructing the recipient to take a knee and consume said beverage in a single swig. It was actually kind of funny for a while, I must admit. Videos of unsuspecting “bros” being iced demonstrated a creativity and comedic timing not usually seen among the average bro. Bros were iced via elaborate pulley systems and remote controlled devices. One bro even found himself being iced by his bride at their wedding reception. That’s hilarious. Dads were iced at tailgates. Fine. But, as this semester comes to a close, that’s enough. It’s gone longer than it needs to. I don’t mind bros, I even hang out with a few, but I think even the most bro’d out frat guys have given up this foolishness. The only guys left icing their friends are half-wits who either simply copy a bit from an online icing video or giggle as they sneak up on a sleeping roommate. Not impressive. Not funny. Look, in twenty years, I’m definitely going to ice some old college buddies, probably in public. It’s going to kill. Everyone will start reminiscing about that semester in college when we all had to carry a defensive Smirnoff bottle to class. I’m going to be a hit, in twenty years, when I bring icing back. But as of right now, I’m killing it. The trend ends here. A friend of mine, a martyr, many would call him, was passed out on a couch in a Maryland frat house when, out of nowhere, some bro iced him. My friend refused the ice. And what happened? The bro cold-clocks him and fractures his eye socket. Are you kidding me? There is no “bro code” which binds all men to chug a malted beverage at any hour of the day. If somebody ices me, I’m not drinking it. I’ll just sip on my Jack Daniels and laugh in the bro’s face. Didn’t you read The Lowerclassman? Icing is no more.

            Look, I don’t mean to rant, but I am going to. I’m sitting here writing this article, and I just got iced. I finished it but only because this article hasn’t been published yet. That’s the last one. Seriously. And the flavors? Is it not bad enough to be ridiculed into finishing an original Smirnoff Ice? Green Apple? Raspberry? Stop. And it’s not funny to sneak up on some kid as he writes an article for his awesome blog and put a bottle on his desk. Bad form. That’s enough icing, seriously.