Escalators Are Terrifying

Fuck is this? What, this rotating, steel-toothed structure? Yeah, you want me to what? What happens if my pant leg gets caught in these razor sharp barbs on every step? Does it stop like an elevator does when it's about to close on someone? Nope. Shit tears your pants right off your body, possibly taking your daddy danglers with it. Yeah, I'll take the stairs. I'm with you, bro. I am fucking terrified of escalators, just a completely archaic death trap. I'm the guy firmly grasping both handles, not running up them like a flight of stairs like some maniac just begging to face-plant and have their tongue ripped out of their suck-hole by the this robotic stair-beast. And stepping off, most agonizing part of my day, always have to leap off, both feet clearing that vicious lip on the top before it can suck me in. Fuck escalators, I need the exercise anyway.