Saturday, December 18, 2010

Where Are We Going to Spring Break This Year?

Spring Break
            So, it’s about that time of year again—the end of first semester means it’s time to start planning your 2011 spring break. Since you’ve got no idea where to start, here are some suggestions: The Lowerclassman’s top ten spring breaks for 2011.
10. Las Vegas, NV
            How can Vegas, the country’s most iconic party destination, be bringing up the rear at number ten? Well, we’re frankly not fans of going on break anywhere that encourages dress code besides all bathing suits all the time. Beach trips allow for easy packing and easy relaxing and plenty of girl watching, and we just don’t see the need to pack up the suits and nightclub attire when you could just as easily pack some sun-block and board shorts and call it a day. Anything more than a carry-on is excessive. That being said, MTV will be in Vegas this year, which cements it as a destination for some of the hottest girls on the planet and plenty of free shows. If you go to a crazy party school and are looking for a change of pace, and don’t mind spending a bit, Vegas could be a nice option, an alternative to the run-of-the-mill spring break with MTV there to ensure you’re not the only spring-breakers on the scene. We think everybody should have a Vegas weekend, but we’re holding out for bachelor parties.
9. Panama City, FL
            For our next trip, the panhandle. Panama City is always Florida’s biggest spring break party. Why? One, it’s cheaper than other options.  Two, it’s close enough to attract the underclassmen saving the big trip for senior year (see top five) but also legendary enough to attract the upperclassmen looking for the classic break but not quite willing to shell out for the pricier Cancun excursion. PCB (Panama City Beach) has everything you expect from spring break: C list celebrities (reality TV stars and one-hit hip hop wonders from three years ago), packed beach-side saloons, hotels filled with your partying peers, and plenty of memories. We like PCB. Top ten is still top ten. Staying stateside has its advantages: no passport required, and no worrying about cartel kidnappings (read “Cancun”). But, if you are staying within our national borders, keep in mind that the drinking age is 21.
8. Negril, Jamaica
            Our first foreign destination on the list: the party capital of Jamaica. Jamaican weather is pretty much perfect, and the beaches are top-notch, but that goes for most of our destinations on this list. We’ve found that Jamaica has the reputation for basically having no enforced laws (don’t hold us to that) so we’re taking that as a plus and a negative. If you’re a Cheech and Chong fan, it’s probably a plus. If you’re looking for an island where you can explore the native culture and venture into the not-so-touristy areas, don’t go to Jamaica. Negril has been on the upswing in terms of spring break popularity for the last few years, so I’m sure a nice all-inclusive Jamaican resort break will meet all “best party ever” expectations with a few intangibles to boot: reggae, Jamaican food, Cool Runnings (everyone’s favorite Disney sports movie), and the opportunity to wear a “Jamaican Me Horny” t-shirt for a week straight.
7. Acapulco, Mexico
            Word on the street is that Acapulco has by far the best night-life in Mexico. Hands down. More clubs. The most clubs. All-you-can-drink covers. Fair enough, Acapulco, you’re on the list. In terms of beaches, the west coast of Senorita Mexico is a bit choppier than the east, great for surfing and fishing. But who wants to surf on spring break? We don’t, but you might. Consequently, the crowd here is going to be a bit more diverse that of other south of the border resorts. Fear not, bro, plenty of spring breakers invade Acapulco every year, but so do sports fishermen and vacationers driving down from Texas. Just saying. Acapulco is top-notch, don’t get us wrong. If you’re looking for the sophisticated Mexican destination (something closer to the urban nightlife that many may be used to), this is the way to go. Its night-life puts it on the list, but Mexico is Mexico, and (spoiler alert) being the second best Mexican spring break doesn’t break the top five. Being the best does.
6.   South Beach, Miami
            You know who has better nightlife than Acapulco? Miami. Pricier? Yes. Bit older crowd? Yes. We don’t care. It’s Miami. Did you see Jersey Shore Season 2 (we only watched it to research this article)? Miami looks amazing, and this year, it’s actually competing with PCB and Daytona (which didn’t make the list because it’s kind of a compromise between PCB and Miami) for spring break prowess. So, we’re calling it: Miami. It’s more expensive than PCB and less cliché, which may seem to actually be a downside when dreaming up classic spring breaks, but it’s Miami. Best club scene in the country. LeBron James and P. Diddy just cleaning up in that place every weekend. Are you kidding? And the beaches are gorgeous. If you’re willing to sacrifice a little cash and a little cliché trashiness for true “ballah” status (that’s right, we referenced both Diddy and James in a single word), take your talents to South Beach this Spring (one last LeBron reference for good measure.)
5. Amsterdam
            Relax. We realize a European Spring Break seems insanely expensive. And yes, this list is trending towards expensive trips. It’s not really, we promise. The top five run from “daddy please buy me another vacation” to “I’ve been paying my way through school for years and I finally saved enough for a break.”  But, more and more kids are ditching the beach for some pretty cool alternatives. If you liked the fact that you can easily find some “gange” in Negril, you’ll love Amsterdam. Amsterdam is also known for having some of the most laid back locals around, great culture, and an upbeat nightlife. Why not hit up the other side of the Atlantic for a week? It’s not there aren’t absurdly beautiful women in Amsterdam. It’s not like you can’t get hammered with your friends in Amsterdam. If you’re looking to go exotic: Amsterdam. Relax in a local “café” and stumble around the Red Light District until the sun comes up because, after all, the beaches will still be here when you get back.
 4. South Padre Island, Texas
            The top four are classic. South Padre has beaches, but they aren’t as nice as Mexico or Florida. South Padre has parties, but it doesn’t have as many as Mexico or Florida. That being said, it’s a good old-fashioned, American shit show. No bells. No whistles. C.T. of MTV’s The Real World has partied from coast to coast and hosted ridiculous spring break extravaganzas around the world, so we asked him where we should book our trip. His answer? South Padre, bro. That’s enough for us, but we’ll elaborate. Kids who go to South Padre go to South Padre to party harder than any of their lame-ass friends who fly down to the Mexican coast or to the Caribbean. South Padre kids party with a chip on their shoulder. On the island, you can order kegs to the beach, and they do. Kegs. On the beach. These kids are for real. Less parties? Fine. We’ll just party harder. Worse beaches? Fine. We’ll just bring kegs to them. For years, selfless spring breakers have poured their hearts, souls, and beers out to put S.P. on the map. Nice work, boys and girls, here it is.
3. Nassau, Bahamas
            Yet another flat-out spring break get-away: Nassau. We took care to put some alternative, less cliché breaks on the list, but no more. The top three are exactly the kind of places you think about when you think of spring break. They aren’t cheap, state-side alternatives. They aren’t sophisticated or cultured. All three, lead off by the Bahamas, are beachside booze-fests. Nassau offers some nice all-inclusive resort options along with a fairly vibrant urban club scene. It’s a good time. During the day, the beaches are fantastic, and drunk snorkeling, while ill-advised, is hilarious. The locals have great island accents and are used to catering to tourists, especially spring breakers. If you’re not in the mood to simply nurse a hangover on the beach throughout the afternoon, the islands have plenty of booze cruises featuring all-you-can-drink cocktails and some of the best day-time dancing anywhere. A classic spring break.
2. Cancun, Mexico
            This was a tough one. Everybody has Cancun as their top pick. We don’t care. We have it at two. Cancun has amazing beaches, sure. Cancun has amazing spring break parties, sure. Cancun is always packed with crazy kids and topless strangers, sure. We could write for pages about why Cancun is the world’s greatest spring break destination. Just in writing this article, we accidently wrote “Cancun” seven times while trying to type “spring break.” We still don’t care. We aren’t going to Cancun because everyone always goes to Cancun, and that’s boring. And what’s more, we aren’t sure that we’re capable of avoiding tap water for a week. And what were there, like a million spring breakers kidnapped or assaulted by crazed drug mules last spring? Not happening. Cancun is the place for spring break. We wish it wasn’t in Mexico. That’s enough to put it at number two. Still a great option.
1.      Punta Cana, Dominican Republic
Yup. Punta Cana. Why? Check out the above listed destinations. The D.R. has world class beaches that can easily compete with any other paradise. The locals are not only friendlier than those you’ll find in Cancun, but better looking. Vegas? Try the Hard Rock casino in Punta Cana. Boom. A little pricier? Barely. The parties are as good if not better than what you’ll find anywhere else, and the slightly elevated price tag and slightly classier reputation keeps out the riff raff you might find at a more conventional hot spot. Plus, we’ve asked around. Punta Cana is going to be ridiculous this year. We’ll be in Punta Cana this Spring. See you there. 

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